9.19.2012

whatever

The other day on the way to work, one word that scan destroy marriage was brought up on the radio.

Duh, I know this one. Divorce.

Wrong.

Their choice of word... 'whatever.'

Really? I mean sure when you say it to be a smart ass it stings... but in general? You've got to be kidding me. (mostly you've got to be kidding me because I'm pretty sure I use this.. a.. lot. Crap)

When you use the word whatever, you are holding back an opportunity for your spouse to get to know you more intimately, to know the things that make you tick, your desires, your loves, your dislikes. Ultimately, your spouse looses a sense of what you like or want, which in turn turns into one of those moments where you are screaming (maybe throwing something at your spouse across the room) at your spouse for not knowing your favorite kind of dessert or the restaurant you've been dying to try (yeah...one of those moments). Simply because instead of offering up a thought, you offered up a 'eh.. whatever.'

I am insanely at fault for this. And, then I wonder why Mike does A when of course I wanted B. But had I ever even expressed those thoughts to him? Probably not. Sometimes saying 'whatever' is easier for me than to actually think of what I want. Figuring out my desires sounds way to hard.. I'll just say 'whatever.' If I don't know immediately what I want than that must mean I don't care, right? Eh, I'd beg to argue that point (even though it's my point). That to me my friends, is a case of the lazies.

Instead of taking the 'whatever' way out, I should explain my choice of words. Sometimes 'whatever you want' is a valid answer. What an amazing opportunity to show your spouse how much you love them. Instead of just saying whatever because ultimately you want them to have what they want, tell them that. Tell them you don't care where we go to eat because you desire their first pick. Now you've shown them your desire is their desire... that's not a 'whatever' at all!

Sometimes the simplest of words can be the most damaging. And more often than not, this damage is a slow kill. More than likely you don't say whatever and a huge fight instills but over time you lose out on the little details of each other. Later on, as a result, resentment builds up or you don't feel cherished.

This isn't to say 'whatever' should never be used. However, your spouse, in general, desires to know more about you than just 'whatever.' So next time you want to say 'whatever,' think about the real meaning behind it... do you desire their wants more? SAY THAT! Do you really have no idea what you want? SAY THAT! Choose to be more intimate in the words you share with the one you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Wasn't it just a simple two word phrase that took your breathe away not too long ago... 'I do.' What makes you think one word can't tarnish it?

4 comments:

  1. you're so cute!! i love your thoughtful posts about marriage and relationships! it definitely is eye opening sometimes and i hope to build my relationship more once i get over this hump called an "engagement". GAG! i feel like it's a dagger sometimes, so i'm looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel and all the relationship building we'll do as hubby and wife! :)

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  2. I was totally listening to the same radio station when they were talking about this...I thought it was great advice!

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  3. Love this post. Love you guys!

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  4. ah just reading this celeste and i love it! great post!! xox

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