just say yes

Whew - this weekend was a whirlwind {which does not excuse my absence} but a really awesome change took place in me that really required my focus in the little free time I had {plus, I was debating whether or not to say anything about it here in the bloggity-blog world and every time I sat down to do a post.. it kept coming back to this topic}. To be honest, I was am nervous to share this piece.

So, what is this awesome change you ask? No, I didn't win the lottery, get preggers or hang out with Oprah.

However, this past week I started saying, "Yes, Lord. I'll go where you want me."

OK, so newsflash: I've always said no. He called. I said later. He pushed. I pushed back. My excuses were always the same: I don't have time, that's not my strength, I don't want to, that's not big enough to matter, etc. I always felt crippled in my walk with Christ but it was because I refused to get up and take that first step.

A few weeks ago I went to this amazing conference in SC at a church called Newspring. It was so awesome and really forced me to look in the mirror and ask some tough questions: where are your priorities? What are you allowing God to do in your life? This is where I figured it out, I was ALWAYS saying no to Him. I had a list of excuses as long as Lohan's rap sheet.  This is also where I realized my huge desire to move to some far off land had completely disappeared {say what?!}.

--interlude-- Now yall don't know this, but the desire to move was a desire that ran my life, caused fights between Mike and I, and almost always left me feeling worthless. It was something I wanted so bad that I would threaten to just 'go alone' if I had to {Um.. hello.. horrible thing to be telling your husband in the first few months of marriage.. talk about a being a jerk}. Yikes! --end interlude--

That trip I decided to say 'Yes. I'll stop saying no.'

I realized something was up. What are you orchestrating God? What's going on? I stood confused. I knew changes were in the horizon but I had no idea what they were going to look like. I felt this deep desire to be more involved, to pour into women and to take lead. Yup, even more confused. BUT I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I had been pushing back, running, refusing for so long. I finally felt free, satisfied and at ease.

Then the confusion became clear, things fell into place and a new adventure is starting.

Sometimes we say no, sometimes we are scared, sometimes we want to take small, safe steps. But sometimes, God calls us to say yes, go the path of the unknown and take the plunge -- to have faith and lean on Him, Him alone. The outcome He has planned is FAR greater than we can ever imagine. It will be the ride of a lifetime.

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So, the 'yeses' -- I am going to be leading my Tuesday night group that consists of the most amazing, precious women. This totally terrifies be because our previous leader, Mallory, is the most amazing, awesomest, coolest, smartest gal eva. But, I'm already seeing the amazing things God has in store for her, myself and this amazing group of women. Super excited!

Also, I finally said yes to co-leading at church in the area that I serve. This was something I had been saying 'no' to ohhhh for over a year now. Yeah, about time. I know.

And, I know so much more is in store.


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